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Cherry Passions

i was browsing around at facebook two days ago, and i came across this job vacancy, which asks its applicant to send out resume, plus 50 word essay answering this question :

“What is your greatest passion and greatest fear in life?”

hm. that requires me a bit of quiet thinking.
ever since forever, i’ve come to realize that God gives me this special ability to grasp quickly anything i need to learn. i mean, it is not really hard for me to learn about things, that makes me quite able to do almost everything.

but the minuses of having this ability are :
1. i have never been REALLY good at something. i am good at this, at that, but it’s just slightly above average. it’s like, i can do a lot of things, but never really good at doing anything. confusing, eh?
2. i have never been able to figure what i really want. being able to do a lot of things makes you interested in a lot of things, but lacking the ability to focus only to one of them.

so, basically, this so-called-special ability has caused me a bit of trouble, lately.
especially n the age of 25, in the middle of what-they-call-a-quarter-life-crisis, the period when you feel like you need to make grand decisions of your life. what career you want to pursue. whom you are going to marry with. what you are going to with the rest of your life.
and believe me, these questions suck!

it’s even suck-er, when you already make a decision. you want to change whatever life you have right now, and you try hard to change it,
but nothing happens.

it’s been happening to me for the past few months.

i have repeatedly tried to convince myself, that this must not be the right time. they said all things will be beautiful in its time, plus God must have His own plans for my life.
unfortunately, patience is not a virtue that i possess.
so after trying to run around endlessly trying to find way-outs that may lead somewhere, i’ve forced myself to sit down and be patient.
actually, so far things are changing, veeerrrrryyyy slowly.
argh.
but there’s nothing much i can do, so i think i’ll keep sitting down for a while ..

back to the passions.
what are my passions?
ok, i am going to share you with some of them.

1. traveling
this passion has made me crazy enough to even want to be a host for traveling shows. i once saw this girl, who was hosting lonely planet traveling show, and she looked so cool!!!! i mean it. i enjoyed seeing this girl on TV, and i just love to see how she mingled with all foreign people she met during the show. ah, i wish i was that girl!
but i know i am not very much a camera person. i am more into behind-the-camera person, and speaking in front of cameras makes me babble, and talk too much. and that’s just embarrassing (a casting once proved this and i still feel humiliated)
so, so long, traveling show host.
perhaps i just have to find other job that requires much traveling.
or the job that gives me so much money so i can travel as much as i like.
(the latter sounds much more interesting. hahahaha)

2. Diving
it’s a DISGRACE how expensive this certain sport is! hahahaha.
so i went to a trip to Bunaken, North Sulawesi few months ago with people from local diving club. the trip costs me all my savings (present and future), but it’s all worth it.
i was given quick diving lessons before we went there, and in few weeks i had been transformed into a gifted-woman-diver! All six days i dived for thirteen times – including two night dives and two wreck-dives.
I fall in love with the underwater instantly.
Diving is always correlated with beaches, so i fall in love with beaches all the same. fortunately, i don’t have to go that far for awesome beaches, because here in this country i just can go anywhere to see amazing beach views!
(please do not mind the my hazy look in the pictures, the trip was my first time EVER to the underwater, so i haven’t been able to find out what’s my best photo angle with that big mask and breathing regulator covering the mouth also, my buoyancy wasn’t good enough so i often found myself clinging for life to those corals, in order to stay on that depth)

3. Eating
i love to eat, especially Japanese, Korean and Chinese food.
somehow i don’t like steaks and other western food very much. perhaps it’s because they don’t use spices as much as Asian foods do.

4. Shoes
no explanation needed (guess you understand it already!)

5. Books
i might not an intellectual reader (you know, the ones who write samuel huntington’s, biography of world’s successful leaders or books on politics on their spare time) but i am quite an avid reader.
i love contemplating books, like :
Paulo Coelho – which i always read with orange highlighter in my hand, just in case i found interesting quotes while i read,

Mitch Albom – whose books always give me certain warmth in my heart every time i read them,

and some chick-lits, preferably authored by Meg Cabot or Lauren Weisberger.

okay, i think that’s all for now. next time we talk about some cherry-fears. hahahaha.

 

gang-ing

since uni, i’ve realized that i am not pretty much a “gang person”.

you know, being in some kind of hangout group consist of few (sometimes, more than few) certain people in the same social environment, who hang out much, go out much – together, maybe not all, but definitely some part of the whole group.

usually this kind of gang develops certain brotherhood / sisterhood. it’s based on friendship. and there’s an unspoken rule in this kind of gang, that none of the people in the gang, may act exclusively. i mean, every gang activities must open to all members of the gang – despite the fact that not all gang members will be able to participate.

exclusivity means disgrace for the gang. something that’s regarded as an arrogance,  because that few member who’s being “exclusive” must have thought the rest of the gang is not as cooler as they are.

although it’s not always like that.

come on, face it. if you’re a part of this group with 20 something people in it, you cannot expect all to mingle perfectly, right? there’s always smaller group of people who feels they’re clicking better than the rest.

plus, arranging an activity for 20 something people is tiresome, really. 20 heads, 20 aspirations. better limit it to few who you consider better to hang out with.

because of these rules (which i found bothering), i have never been able to stick with one group only. at the uni, i am hanging around with few different groups, only participating in some activities (not all) that interest (and profitable for) me.

this has caused, of course, none of them regard me as their “inner circle” – who usually swore to keep in touch forever, updating every changes in phone numbers, etc. so after i graduated, i quickly lost touch with my friends from that various groups. they’re not looking for me, and i am not looking for them. we only meet when we meet. that’s all.

but lately, without any deliberate plan, i am included in this certain group of people in a blog-community on the net. there were around 20 of us, from various backgrounds, around 23-29 of age. i have never said this as a gang (no one does. i think a word gang sounds too highschool-y), but it feels like one more day by day. we hang around a lot. usually we invite that 20 members, although not all members show up. we make joined birthday celebrations for the whole gang.

i was quite annoyed when some of us (only 6 of us) went out of the city together, twice. and on the second time we (kinda deliberately) don’t invite anyone else. the first trip was amazingly fun, and we just afraid that any additional guest will ruin all the fun (we refused to admit this, but actually, i think that’s what happened).

the rest of the gang reacted when we post our pictures from the second trip. some of them accused us of being exclusive. argh. that word feels like a sin. we explained that we didn’t mean that to happen. i tried to be reasonable, although i am not really seeing why they did that, remembering there are plenty of activities they did earlier and i wasn’t included, nor invited to that activities.

this feels quite annoying, but then again some events happened afterward reminded me what is the plus-es of being a part of this group.

i have never celebrated my birthday for my entire life, but with them, i joined with four other girls to make dinner celebration for the entire gang. and it felt great. even i feel touched with their attention.

there are millions of other moments that feels nice.

how nice?

you know that sense of belonging feeling – i feel that i belong there.

i have a group of friends who acknowledge me as one of the member, and the more i go out with them, the more i feel like they’re becoming my best friends. maybe not all 20, but i can really speak freely to some of them.

nice to have that feeling, like i am belong to something. to this group of friends.

so, a gang might not be always perfect. it may seems possessive, it may ask you to make some sacrifices.

but the more i feel that sense of belongings, i found myself to be more willing to give up some sacrifices to them.

sense of belonging to something.

i think that’s what a gang offers to you.

and honestly, right now i am glad to be a member of this so-called-gang.